Monday, April 3, 2017

So Where The Fuck Have I Been?

Hello hello. Thanks for stopping by. Good to see you, and I hope you're all having a good day. Well let's just jump right into the uncomfortable part. It's really just uncomfortable for me that is.... It's been awhile since my last post... Actually, it's been a really long time; about 5 months if we're getting technical. And even then some things were spares before that. So, where have I been? What in the actual fuck is going on? And why has the site been silent for so long?

The answers to these questions are a bit hard to address, but I want be open with you; the readers. Firstly, production began to fall off due to some site administration errors that caused a literal shit ton of work to be permanently lost. If you've experienced this, then you know just how demoralizing it can be to lose so much effort and work. During this time as well, my day job was becoming more and more demanding and requiring more of my attention and energy. Unfortunately this all led to me having about 0 hours of any free time that I was not sleeping or attending to my family. I had all the good intentions and plans on how to get back on track, and was planning a hard re-launch on the first of the year. But, plans and intentions don't mean a whole hell of a lot when life happens.  

On January first, a close friend of mine took his own life. He had been struggling for years, with the effects of seeing combat in a warzone. I then began to question everything that I was doing with my life. From my career, to my family life, to even this site. I felt like I needed to do something that mattered. Like all of this is for nothing. Like I wasn't quite good enough. And that greatly effected my identity, and threw me into a bit of an existential crisis.

Life must goes on, and as I thought more, I realized that I am enough, and this site is enough. I slowly realized that this site is my voice,and it gives me the freedom to discuss the serious issues of today, and joy of just being alive. This site gives me the ability to reach out to anyone in the world, and share a moment of existence with them. As I thought about my life and BaicunnPress, thought about all of the wasted ideas and time I had spent just being concerned about me. It was at that time, that clarity struck and I thought about deeply disappointed my friend would be to know that I just gave up the ghost. 

So I'm back. I've been offered help from a friend to keep the content rolling out. I'll be rolling out new content regularly starting on April 5th, and I'm hoping to expand into other possible formats by summer. Thanks again for stopping by, and I will see you on the next post.

-Chali Baicunn