Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Battlefront After Bespin DLC: Part 2 - So Fucking Done! There Is No Hope For This!

Good morning you beautiful bastards! Thank you for stopping by the blog today. I hope that you've all gotten through the weekend's festivities with your limbs, property, and pride intact. I do apologize for the delay of this post. In Part 1 I asked current players what they thought about the game after the release of the Bespin DLC and the accompanying patch. This post will be my opinions and views about the game up this point. This will be the last post I make about Battlefront unless some very substantial changes are made.

Where to start.. Where to start... Well I guess I'll talk about the good first. Lobby wait times seem to minimal. I'm playing on PS4, so it may be bad on another platform. Game mechanics seem more balanced, but honestly "balance" is completely subjective sans a weapon or ability that's completely OP. Bespin maps are fun, but I found that every match on Carbon Freezing Chamber seemed to devolve into a game of "which team has more dioxin grenades?" At first, it was fun, and then the shit just wore on, and on, and on. The addition of new weapons was nice...

So to the not so good parts. Primarily, this game is more of a bitter disappointment than Jar Jar Binks. If that's not a scathing indictment of the shallow and hollow husk that this game is. Fucking seriously! This shit is the Kim Kardashian of video games. It starts of all pretty, then after spending some time with it, you're just like, "Why the fuck do people care that you exist? You provide nothing of any substance." I just don't get it. Hut Contracts... Meh... Good thought, but fucking terrible execution. Objectives don't always get counted. Then you have to enter playlists in order play DLC specific maps. I'm not sure if this is an attempt to obscure what would be entirely empty lobbies, or if some how DICE and EA have both forgotten that "game type" lobbies are a thing in other games. Ugh, and there's still no real/ terribly interesting solo play. By now, I was hoping that maybe.. just maybe, EA would have offered some kind of appeasement token. Throw us a fucking bone here. Something, anything.. Shit I'm not terribly picky. As long as the shit is entertaining and actually functional... I think I'd be okay with that. And who the fuck at Disney is signing off on these licenses?

It just fucking now hit me. I don't know why I was blind to it before. This is kind of off topic, but it just may explain the flaccid performance of this game. The relationship between EA and Disney seems to have that oddly calm Steve Jobs and Bill Gates feel to it.

In this story Disney is Steve Jobs and EA is Bill Gates. they're both basically fucking assholes pretending to be innovators, while creating derivative tripe because, well this is 'Merica and we seem to really love that shit 'round here. Disney more or less gave EA's R&D a literal dick load of money by licensing the use of the Star Wars franchise, much like Apple did with Microsoft and DOS. And when Disney isn't looking, EA is over in the corner finishing the development on the new game engine that was suppose to be powering Battlefront. They more or less rushed the product to market, and the title says Star Wars, so it was certainly going to sell. Now that EA has finally polished their dev work, and is about to launch a full title under Battlefield 1 which seems to show more promise (a pretty substantial amount more that Battlefront). In the end, Disney will probably become a bigger asshole, and will have a nervous break down, and then maybe get cancer after investing heavily in portable music device and 3D animation (I'm leaving out the death part because it seems a bit too insensitive?..). And fucking EA is just gonna keep on going, not giving fuck, and doing whatever they want. And people are still going to buy their shit because.. well, I don't know why. Maybe because of the hypetrain, engineered and driven by the zealous and militant marketing wing of EA. Maybe I'm wrong, but seriously, Disney, I'd dump EA if I were you.

So, after my long winded, esoteric, and dare I say angst-y diatribe, here are my final thoughts on Battlefront  This game was over-hyped. EA toyed with our emotions and our money (which Big Perm would argue that they're the same thing.) The community seems to be desperate for someone or something to save them, or just put them out of their misery. Seriously, if you put any kind of thought into buying this game... Don't! It's a hollow excuse for a game, and sucks the testicles of a medium sized equine usually used for the carrying of goods and people in dry harsh environments.

So what do you think? Am I right? Am I wrong? Have I been unfair? Let me know. As always, thank you for stopping by the blog. Don't forget to follow on Twitter at @BaicunnPress. I'll have a post up in the very near future with a video interview I did with Rick, the US Community Leader for Warhorse Studios.

I'll see you soon.

-Chali Baicunn